Tangled in my Thoughts

GEEKASM

2009-11-05T18:25:26Z

There's KNOWLEDGE FOR FREE (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) on iTunes U.

Why didn't anybody TELL ME?

OMG the amount of win this is.

HIATUS

2009-10-22T16:07:12Z

*points to subject line*

Yeah. Work is eating my brain and energy, so I won't be around for a while!

Take care, Preciouses!

*hugs you all*

xoxo
Annie

Life - October 21st, 2009

2009-10-20T17:10:01Z

I fell asleepz on teh couch.
Must not fully wake up now. *snuffles*

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Late Night Pun

2009-10-19T20:11:37Z

I should really, really, really be in bed already.
But good God, that man's hands. I just had to play. /pun

Life - October 19th, 2009

2009-10-19T16:48:40Z

It was nice to be bossless (well, technically she's not really my boss yet) today.
Things were chaotic enough without her throwing new stuff at me. But I'm mentally prepared for the rest of the week.
I just hope things will start running at least a little more smoothly once I know more names and workflows in the company.

Dish washer will be delivered tomorrow, thank God daddy's not working and can stay here at my place.

Which leads me (well, not dad, but the dish washer thing.. anyway) to the most important part of my entry today.

I have a friend, and she offered to pay for our hotel room at AsylumE all by herself so we could still go. So I could still go.
She might hear about this post and threaten to kick my smurf-ass cause I told everyone who she is, I don't know.
But I'll have to take the risk, because I do believe we should all share the good things happening to us.
And a friend who helps you out when things are rough is a very good thing.

So, Willow, thank you. May there be no bunnies hurt (but lots of hurt!bunnies), no lack of awesome times
(and no smurfs humiliated) and lots of new icons after. (see the no humiliated smurfs point though!)

I was watching Shadows in the Sun earlier (so I'm on a Joshua Jackson trip, shut up!) and paused to write this.
Now I'm gonna watch the second half, enjoy the pretty and try to think of some nice Steve things.

Have I mentioned the fake medication in India bunny?

And have I mentioned that you might wanna check out Jet? Start with the first two albums, they're ace!

*waves*

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

Life - October 18th, 2009

2009-10-18T17:56:31Z

Dish washer broken, 310 Euros that were meant to go into Asylum budget = gone.
I have no idea if I'm going to make it to the con, and that's not even the worse part.

What can I say. I just don't know. Crying doesn't really do anymore.

The thing marked red by me is the calcification that's pinching the tendons and sorta 'saws' at them.

Woobie!Sam

Woobie!Dean

Dexter

Steve getting a feeling there's more hurt on the way...

Annie being completely innocent...

Chris sporting his ferocious scowl because the Steve is hurt again...

Life - October 17th, 2009

2009-10-17T16:44:59Z

Thank you for your comments to my last post! *hugs you lots*
I hope it's okay that I won't reply - it's one of those things that I just realized I shouldn't have talked about in the first place.
Not because I don't want you to know, but because it makes me even more nervous if I talk about it.
So next time I'll post about this, I'll either disable comments or be less of a chicken by then. ;)

Other than that, I really don't have anything to say.
Because I slept until 5 pm today. Yeah, I know. Shame to waste a day of the weekend!
But I'm up now (well, duh) and doing my laundry and I'm gonna eat in a few minutes and watch Supernatural.
And probably be up all night, hating myself for sleeping that long. ;P

I hope you're all well and enjoying your weekends, Preciouses! *more hugs*

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

Life - October 16th, 2009

2009-10-16T18:07:41Z

I think I just found a dental surgery that might be the right one for me. Now I only have to dare to call them. I know, big deal. It really is for me.
I'm not even scared of any pain, I'm sure I've already been through much worse. But I'm so very, very embarrassed about the state of my teeth.
That's why I didn't dare going to a dentist all this time.

And I'm worrying a lot about the financial part. I don't even know if my bank will give me such a huge credit.
And I mean huge.

But, besides being sick and tired of not being able to eat what I want and not daring to laugh anymore
- I'm facing back surgery, and I'm panicking about intubation, because I know that is a problem with bad teeth.
And I feel humiliated only thinking about having to talk to the surgeon about this particular problem.

So I guess facing a dentist who's dealt with more patients like me already is the lesser evil.

Sounds like I got it all figured out. I wish I wasn't so scared and could just get it over with.

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

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Life - October 15th, 2009

2009-10-15T17:25:07Z

Work was chaotic and stressful again. But at least the days are flying by like that. Pain level is climbing steadily, but I expected that. So, no news in those departments.

One good thing about the new office is that my fav Indian shop is only a minute away. They have something new now, Indian food for nuking / heating up in boiling water. 5 minutes and you have a delish Indian dish. Perfect for lazy days - and CHEAP! I couldn't believe it, only 1.49 € and it's the regular price. And there are about 15 veggie dishes! LOVE!

Had an awesome mind movie on my way back home today. There were Steve and Chris and me (OMG you gutter brains!!! ;)) and I had just moved to LA and met them both the night before at a bar and Steve and I were flirting all the time and he had a show at the HC the next night and asked me to come and I did and met Chris and while we talked I looked up and then---

Ok. So it was an awesome mind movie but I suck at writing it down. XD

No pics today - unless you want to contribute? ;)

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

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Life - October 14th, 2009

2009-10-14T17:54:47Z

Work is crazy. Mad. Chaos.
No news in the health department.

What I want to say tonight, even if you're getting bored by it, is thank you.
For letting me rant, vent and whine. For wishing me luck. For showering me with kinds words and sympathy.

You can never say a good thing often enough, repeating it doesn't make it less true or meaningful - if you really do mean it. So.

I am very, very grateful for your support and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

For those of you interested in our man Steve - here are four of my recent favourite pictures of him:

Ya know the clickedy deal!

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

Brainsplode, backsplode

2009-10-14T13:40:58Z

Work is a fricking chaos, nobody knows what they're doing, but we're all working overtime.

On way home now, back is screaming bloody murder. Treating self to Starbucks and rice w/ sate sauce.

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Life - October 13th, 2009

2009-10-13T20:07:40Z

Tired, not doing this tonight.

Life - October 12th, 2009

2009-10-12T14:44:50Z

I'm early today, but I really just want to roll up and cry and not do anything for the rest of the day. So this is me, asking you to feel free to skip this entry and not feel bad about it.

One day at work showed that those past weeks were completely pointless.

Don't even know how to get through the week. I was so sure I'd be better for at least a while before it all goes to hell again.

Wrong.

The only way out of this is surgery asap, but - there are so many buts. I don't even know where to start.

Everybody told me how glad they were we could finally start getting things sorted out in the new department, now that our team is complete. Good thing there's no pressure.

So this is what I'm looking at for my future. Herniated disk in lower back now, fucked up right shoulder and disk in neck already waiting in line. Then what?

Doctors keep telling me gently but with no room for misunderstandings that it's all inherited. That it's all gonna happen again with other disks/joints.

I watched my dad getting worse each year, always in pain, a wreck at 56. Unable to work, not having any social life whatsoever anymore, not in years. And it all started 20 years later for him.

I'm scared and I don't know how to deal with this anymore.

But.

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

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Life - October 11th, 2009

2009-10-11T18:38:53Z

First day of work at new office with new boss and new co-workers tomorrow.
After 6 weeks of being away from the job completely.

Nervous doesn't quite cut it.

Everyone's gonna ask if those 5 weeks at the clinic helped. And I mean 'ask' in that "surely it has"-implying sort of way.

The thought of having to tell them that no, actually it didn't help all that much, without sounding like I'm gonna call in sick
again the next day already... it's raising the anxiety level.

Back at having to explain and defend myself.

Wish I could stay in my little universe, where things are very, very different.

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

Life - October 10th, 2009

2009-10-10T17:41:39Z

Mike and Silke moved to their new place today.
I didn't carry stuff, just helped by vacuuming and holding things and stowing them away.

Pain level tells a whole different story, one would think I carried all the furniture by myself.

Waiting for painkillers to kick in so I can dare moving again.
Trying to start mentally preparing for surgery in the near future.

Ten hour day of standing/sitting/walking and I'm royally fucked just cause I could't lay down in between.
Not right.

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

Random Squee

2009-10-09T17:09:56Z

Carson!!!! \o/

Writer's Block: The one that got away

2009-10-09T16:44:17Z

Do you believe in the concept of a soulmate? Do you think you've met him or her? Do you ever worry that "the one" got away?

View 1843 Answers

Yes, I do believe in that concept.
No, I haven't met that person and I'm not holding my breath about it.
I mean, come on, what are the odds?

And here's the reason why I really answered this wb:

"Do you ever worry that "the one" got away?"

*girly giggle* I know who does!!

Life - October 9th, 2009

2009-10-09T15:51:40Z

Today:

* Ortho appointment, check
* MRI appointment, check
* Coffee with Karin, check
* Hang out, check
* Watch SPN 5x05
* Work-out
* Watch ~~Chris Pine~~ Star Trek
* Shower so I won't have to get up too early tomorrow

Tomorrow:

Mike and Silke moving to new place. Wish it was done already!

So, the shoulder thing. Turned out to not only be a shoulder thing.
I'm officially taking back my last post's PS until further notice.

Doc at radiology said that there most likely is a problem with one the disks in my neck too.
And the shoulder, it's a calcification that's pinching the tendons, there's a word for it in German but I couldn't find a translation.
He also said that he's never seen that in a person my age and I might want to prepare myself for more problems
like that in other joints.

Next up: x-ray of neck. Well, ortho told me that there'll probably be more spine problems.

It makes no sense to drown in self pity about it all and I won't.

But it's, you know - shit.

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

PS - Ow.

PS PS - This is actually to good for a PS PS, but anyway: (*shamelessly c/p'ing from what I emailed Willow*)

At the waiting area of the ER (it's not even the slightest bit as cool as the ones in tv, but anyway)
there was this couple. From what it looked like she had brought him in herself and they were sitting
on the chairs, side by side. He had an IV in his hand and was leaning against her and she was holding
him, with his head on her shoulder. BUNNIIIIEEEE!!! I know, twisted, but: it was the cutest sight.

Construction site #2

2009-10-09T08:15:10Z

That would be my right shoulder.

X-ray this morning showed some sort of chalk deposit that shouldn't be there and is "impinging" the nerves.
Doc sent me to a radiologist for an MRI - and I got an appointment for 12.30 today when I called half an hour ago! Huh? *lol*

Doc wants to see those pictures before making a decision on how to treat this, but if I'm lucky, it'll dissolve after some injections.
(Which, ow, cause *shudders* in the shoulder? Dude. But anyway.)
He didn't tell me the alternative to "if I'm lucky", but I guess I'll know soon enough.

Lady at the radiology office said they'd need to inject me with some glow in the dark (ok, she didn't say that) stuff,
I just hope it's not gonna make me sick. A little nervous here!

My ortho's words when he saw the x-ray:

1. "Ow."

2. "I know that hurts, I've had that too."

3. "This shouldn't happen to someone your age. You're 20 years early."

HI, AWESOME GENES, HAI!

*off to breakfast and get ready to leave*

PS: To the jerk doctor at the clinic - "neck is causing the problem" my ass. *huffs*

Life - October 8th, 2009

2009-10-08T17:45:54Z

Boy, was I lazy today or what?

Did my work-out just now though, so I don't really have a bad conscience about it.

I caught up on Supernatural today, so I can dive right into 5x05 tomorrow.

Appointment at ortho's first thing in the morning though. 7.15 am. Hello? Meh.
Want to talk to him about my right arm. Shoulder. Whatever the frell it is, it hurts and it's getting worse.
So before I start going to a gym and do stuff that might be bad for it (or things get worse all by themselves,
something my body is good at after all), I want to know what's wrong.

Mike and Silke are moving into their new place this Saturday, I'll have to call Silke tomorrow and ask her how I
can help her best, considering that I can't carry heavy stuff.

Saw the little ones again on Tuesday. And was blown away by just how wonderful they are.
Neah kept on coming to me for hugs and did a pretty damn funny re-enactment of the latest Sponge Bob episodes.
Lilly was playing with my hair whenever I got near her and was all smiles and snuggly. And pretty. Damn, girl is pretty.
Little wonders is what they are.

I want kids. Love them, raise them, see them grow up, watch them develop their personalities, help them over the bumps
and prepare them to deal with the ones in their later lives.

I made a choice though, so it's not gonna happen.

Off to watch either Leverage, Fringe or Dexter now.
The Dexter iPhone game is the shit, btw. Love it!

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

Life - October 7th, 2009 / Pictures from my time in Marburg

2009-10-07T17:10:54Z

Today was spent doing all my laundry and sorting my mail, downloads, backups and pictures.

It feels good to be home. Really, really good. I love my place.

Preciouses, thank you all so very much for sticking with me in the past weeks.
I'm not exaggerating when I say that receiving your wonderful, understanding, uplifting comments meant the world to me.
Ever since I got to know every single one of you, you have been a huge support and a part of my life that I wouldn't want to miss anymore.
Thank you.

I have posted a few of these pics already, so you will recognize the one or other! The quality isn't all that good as I made them all with my i - I'm definitely going back there with my Alpha!

This is the terrace and the view from my room:

One of the typical small alleys at Marburg's Oberstadt:

A picture I discovered on the wall of one of the houses in that alley XD:

The view from 'my' spot at the restaurant/bar I've been to three times for lunch when I was exploring the city:

View on Marburg from the yard of the Elisabethkirche, located a little higher than the city:

This is the castle from the outside: (This is also where the bunny started to materialize)

I love how this one tells a story. Boy and girl in love, driving up to the castle at night to spend some time together.
Gazing down at the city. At each other. Bonding. *dreamy sigh*

Using the backlighting for a foreboding sort of atmosphere:

View from the castle:

Inside the castle: This picture was taken through a glass floor, so it's what I stood upon the moment I took it.
I don't know what this is/was, as there was no explanation anywhere, but it helped the bunny grow for sure:

Inside the castle's chapel:

Obviously, laird McCarlson fought for Scotland's independency from the crown here a long, long time ago: (*shoves bunny and reclaims keyboard*)

Around the castle:

The dungeon... well, the stairs to it, as the dungeon itself was locked. Much to the bunny's dismay:

On the way from the castle down to the city:

At the old botanical garden. It's more like a really old park now, as there's a new botanical garden and the old one is not being tended to anymore.
It's a beautiful place with incredibly old, huge trees:

The 'Holy Oak Tree'. I have no idea why it is holy, there was no sign other than the one with its name.
It's a five minute walk from the clinic and at the beginning of a very nice hiking trail through the woods:

Just so you know the location of the next pic XD - this is located about halfway down a short hiking trail through the woods, on the clinic compound:

Those are all the pictures I deemed worthy of keeping. :)

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you ♥, Annie

Life - October 6th, 2009

2009-10-06T20:27:53Z

At home. Long day. Spent.

Tomorrow laundry, longer post, pictures.

Tonight bed. My own.

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

Life - October 5th, 2009

2009-10-05T15:57:06Z

You guys, you hurt my feelings!
I drew this awesome description of the duckie/rat incident and nobody praised me for it after I posted it!

... XD

Last day here at the clinic - I can't believe it's been five weeks.

We did an exercise at training today that we tried on my second day here too. Back then, I didn't dare to try it, today I just did it without even thinking about it.
Showed me that it isn't just my muscles that improved over the past weeks - I have a lot more confidence in myself now too and I know what I can and what I can't do.

I'm done packing, gonna get some hot water for my tea in a few, then spend the evening with Farscape and ~~Christian~~ my Scottish-Highlands-Time-Travel novel with its very enticing main character. XD
(I'm sorry, Steve!!!)

Tomorrow, I'm going home!!!

Good night and sweet dreams to you, my Preciouses!

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

tigerpinky and elebridith - I'm looking forward to try some of Sandra's (veggie) recipes too! :)

macfraser82 - I'm ok, thank you! Let's see how fast office days manage to screw it up again. ;)

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Life - October 4th, 2009

2009-10-04T16:45:32Z

Today: Boredom.

Slept in, had lunch, watched Farscape. Actually, that's what I'm still doing. But even Ben Browder gets a little... monotonous after a while.

I am BORED, Preciouses!!!

Have a good start into the new week! <3

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

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Life - October 3rd, 2009

2009-10-03T16:34:50Z

Went to the city one last time today, to say goodbye and eat at a very nice place.

Hung out at the Lahn after that, to watch the duckies. The white one was diving and shaking its bom bom when a water rat hopped into the water and dove right under the duckie. Duckie popped up, quacked like it just damn near had a heart attack and FLED! XD

Gonna have a glass of wine at the café a bit later, then some Farscape - and then, bed.

Have a good day / night, Preciouses!

Entry ends, life goes on

Thank you - Annie

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